I watched most of the Jets vs Anaheim game, but needed to go for a walk. Besides, I wanted ice cream :) I took a stroll in the warm evening air. I walked over to the Chase Bank near Cave Creek & the 101 Loop, took out some cash, but then decided that I didn't need ice cream, so I walked back down to Union Hills Road and took up my "regular" route (at least it was regular until my whole system broke down 2 wks ago when I started working silly hours then flew to France!).
I was listening to the game through my phone, tuned through the Internet to TSN 1290 Winnipeg. Curse that goal with 20 seconds left, grrrr! Just as it was scored, I came up on 30th St and Union Hills, where there were two cars stopped, looked like maybe a collision - but it wasn't. One of the cars had been going westbound (coming toward me) on Union Hills, and had stopped along the curb just short of 30th St. The other had come from the east, cut it off, and was parked at an angle in front of it. Both front doors were open on the one along the curb. A young man was standing in the open driver's door, a young lady in the open passenger door. The young lady was crying, sobbing, obviously upset, and talking into a cell phone; the young man was demanding that she give the phone to him.
A domestic dispute, perhaps? Hmm. I asked if everything was OK, she sobbed, "NO!" It was then that I saw someone slumped in the driver's seat. Oh, no.
I asked if she had 911 on the phone - yes. She handed the phone to the young man, just as a van pulled up, and an older man & two younger kids got out.
The young man managed the situation, was told to remove the lady from the car and put her on the pavement. The older man & he took her out and laid her down. I didn't get involved (something which I feel somewhat guilty for now), but asked the kids to move the van behind the car so as to protect the rear. They were not of legal driving age. The young lady was in no shape to drive anything, anywhere, so I went back and flagged all the traffic over to the next lane.
Meanwhile, the young man started chest compressions. The young lady was beside herself, "Where is the ambulance? That's my mom! I can't lose her! I'm going to lose her!"
About two minutes later, a fire truck emerged from the corner at 32nd & Union Hills. I shouted "four blocks!" and directed the truck in, then stepped back.
The firemen (yes they were all men) were slow & methodical, and I was wishing they would hurry up :( But they got in there, relieved the young man from the compressions, and got the lady hooked up. The older man was pacing, standing behind the car, clasping his hands, obviously praying. The young man scooped up the young lady, took her to the van, where the other two kids were, and did his best to calm them down.
I asked the older man, if he was family (this was all very confusing to me). Yes, that was his wife on the ground. The young lady was their daughter, whom she was driving home when this apparently happened. The young man was her boyfriend.
The ambulance arrived about two minutes later. They got a strong pulse and regular breathing back! The boyfriend was busy telling the daughter all this, that things were going to be all right, to be strong. She was not doing well.
I recognized that there were three vehicles there and three drivers. I mentioned to the husband that he should go in the ambulance, that the kids should deal with the cars, pick up one later. He said no, he would follow. I insisted that he go in the ambulance - "You have to, the cars are not worth it, let the kids deal with them." Suddenly, he realized and said thanks. He went in the ambulance.
The daughter went to park the car along 30th street. Again she was not doing well, so I directed her to a space under a streetlight, advised her to turn around to face the right direction (who knows if they tow for such things here, but it's not a time to find out), to turn off her four way flashers, and to lock up the car.
The fire leader asked the daughter questions about the incident, like did the mother complain of any symptoms, did she say anything... etc. No, nothing. Then he turned to me and asked who I was. I said "oh no, I'm just a passer-by, I have no knowledge of anything." And then everyone was on their way.
I continued my walk, shaken. The hockey game seemed not-so-important now. I stopped at the Circle K at the corner of 32nd and Union Hills for my ice cream, but they don't have any. I settled for some M&Ms :)
Life is short and can be taken from us at any time. Enjoy it while it lasts.
And, to quote Percy Mayfield, Nothin' Stays the Same Forever:
If you are a... thinking person... take the time... to pray!
19 April 2015
14 April: Europe liked me so much that they didn't want me to leave!
After a whirlwind five days (or so... hey I'm still jet lagged) in Lyon, France, it was time to come back to Phoenix. I got sent a "time to check-in" message 24 hours before flight, but that was 12 noon, and I was at the HVSE lab at Alstom Villeurbanne... and they don't have WiFi for my phone :-( They do have wired Internet... if you have an Alstom computer... which I did, but it was late afternoon when I tried it.
Because the first leg of the journey was Air France, you go to their web site to check in - fine. It was confusing (even in English) but I got to a part where it wanted not only my passport information (the passport itself was safely locked in the hotel safe but I have all details in my LastPass Vault for just such occasions) but also my Visa or Permanent Residency Permit detail... Curses, I don't have my TN visa information on my Alstom computer, so that will have to wait.
We worked til 7 PM when our time ran out, security was locking the place down, and we had to leave. This time, the taxi back to the hotel was a van - nice and spacious for once - and I asked the fellow to come back at 09h30 the next morning to take us to the airport. He agreed.
When I got back the hotel, I went straight to the computer and checked in. Or, rather, I tried to check in. Again it wanted the Visa or Permanent Residency Permit... and this is a TN Work Visa under the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA, remember that? Brian was good for something!) - I am most certainly not cleared for permanent residency! [I get reminded of this from time to time when I get denied bank credit because of this] So, it says "See an Air France Agent at the airport". Well, you know me, I get stressed about such things... so I grumbled and sighed, and kind of said, "oh well".
The morning of our departure, I zipped around, mailed some postcards (that's another blog post altogether!) and was ready to leave at 09h30. The van didn't show up, it was a small car again :-( apparently the other driver's brother. Sigh.
Our taxi made a quick stop at the security gate at Alstom Villeurbanne, so my colleague Sam could get the power adapter plug that she'd left at the office the night before, and away we went to Lyon-Saint Exupéry Airport (LYS). We had made sure that our taxi would take a credit card, because our cash was running low.
At the airport, we did the usual "American fool in Europe" credit card dance. Wave the corporate American Express card, nope they don't take that. Give them a personal Visa card. Didn't work. Try a different personal Visa card. Oh, wait a second, he's putting the card end into the machine - and US credit cards have no chip! Ugh. I tried to tell him in my broken French that there was no chip, he'd have to swipe (we've had that happen before) but soon it became obvious that this credit card machine didn't have a swipe slot - it was chip or nothing. What a time to leave my Canadian credit cards at home! I'll take them next time.
The driver's brother showed up - the one from the night before. He couldn't help. (his machine had a swipe slot, but maybe there's something that prevents them from cross charging?)
So we start scrounging the money. 57€, I had 40€ in notes and Sam had a 5€ and a ton of change. She started counting the change. When we got to 50€, the driver said, "Enough, that's OK!" but we kept counting. [At that point, he unlocked the doors - I had not even realized they were locked!] We got to 55€ and then it was just small coins. He was happy to see us go, I think :-)
At the airport, the agent was polite, seemed to struggle a bit with my check-in, but gave me my boarding pass for all three flights - Lyon to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Minneapolis, Minneapolis to Phoenix. I checked my one bag and saw it go down the belt. It wasn't until the middle of the first flight, that I realized that the agent had not given me my bag tag. Curses, sure hope it shows up, because now I don't have a claim check :-(
We had a tight connection in Amsterdam, although you wouldn't know it from the schedule - we had to walk for miles, pass through (another) security check, even though we had not gone out of the security zone, up, down, across, ugh... and once we got to the gate, they were already calling zones!
There apparently is another level of security check before you can get on a trans-Atlantic flight.
First up, an agent takes you aside and asks about your checked luggage. She wanted to see my bag tag, and was aggravated when I said that I didn't have it. She insisted that I look in my pockets, on my passport, on my boarding pass... then went to speak to the supervisor... then came back and gave me the 3rd degree about, you know, "Did you pack your own luggage? Did anyone else give you anything to carry? Were they ever out of your possession or control at any time?" Then fine, continue on. Whew!
Not so fast.
There is a second waiting area for boarding. In order to get into that boarding area, they take your passport & boarding pass, then scan your boarding pass on some kind of a laser scanner (like a supermarket bar code reader). Everyone else's said "OK to Board", so then they went into that second waiting area. Mine said "Denied Boarding". For this station, there's only one line, so folks are backed up behind me.
They tried and tried, went over to the computer and typed and typed. Asked me my address, checked my birthdate, etc.
I stepped aside as best I could (with my UGH carry on with two laptops and various other junk in it! And of course the CPAP machine) and they continued. The supervisor came over and they tried and tried.
It took about 15 to 20 minutes to straighten things out. It seems as though, for the purpose of international immigration, the TN Visa is actually classified as a permanent residency permit. Ha ha, joke is on me.
Now you go through another security bag check and body scanner. At least now I'm in the real boarding area.
After a loooooooong flight across the Atlantic, we finally arrive in Minneapolis, where we have to go through US Customs & Immigration. There are two lines - one that clearly says "U.S. and Canadian Passport Holders" and one for everyone else. Where do you think I went? Cool machine, you put in your passport, it asks a bunch of questions and takes a photo of you from above, then prints out a slip that you take with you up to the booth.
The guy asks, "So you are going home to Canada today?"
Of course, I answer "No, home to Phoenix."
His eyes narrow, "Where do you live?"
I give my address in Phoenix.
"How do you do that, do you have a visa?"
"Yes, you just flipped past it, there it is."
"You have a TN Visa? You are supposed to be in that line over there."
I roll my eyes (oops). "Well it said U.S. & Canadian Passport Holders."
"Not if you are here on a TN Visa."
He gave me a bit more of the gears, then finally sighed and just let me through.
A few minutes later, miracle of miracles, there's my suitcase! As I strut toward the exit, another agent steps out from the side, and asks me to submit to secondary screening. Now, you don't say no to a customs & immigration agent, especially in this country. So, I said, "sure", with a smile.
That turned out to be a non-event. He asked a few questions, put my bags through yet another scanner - although thankfully I didn't have to take the laptops out this time, nor have to half undress or empty my pockets. Then I was off to drop my bag on the belt for the next flight.
Wait a second - I don't have a bag tag for it. I asked the attendant at the belt if they would re-tag my bag... or else I could photograph the tag and its bar code, I suppose... she reached down, pulled the tag off (it was still on the strip) and put it on my boarding pass! Yikes :-)
The rest was largely uneventful. We had to go through full security screening again (I moaned and was told it was because we had had access to our bags which might have items that are not allowed on the plane), then went to the gate, where I had a drink! Oh yes, and now that I'm back in the USA, my CDMA phone starts to work again - so I got a ton of E-mails and messages. Ah, the connected world we live in!
Because the first leg of the journey was Air France, you go to their web site to check in - fine. It was confusing (even in English) but I got to a part where it wanted not only my passport information (the passport itself was safely locked in the hotel safe but I have all details in my LastPass Vault for just such occasions) but also my Visa or Permanent Residency Permit detail... Curses, I don't have my TN visa information on my Alstom computer, so that will have to wait.
We worked til 7 PM when our time ran out, security was locking the place down, and we had to leave. This time, the taxi back to the hotel was a van - nice and spacious for once - and I asked the fellow to come back at 09h30 the next morning to take us to the airport. He agreed.
When I got back the hotel, I went straight to the computer and checked in. Or, rather, I tried to check in. Again it wanted the Visa or Permanent Residency Permit... and this is a TN Work Visa under the North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA, remember that? Brian was good for something!) - I am most certainly not cleared for permanent residency! [I get reminded of this from time to time when I get denied bank credit because of this] So, it says "See an Air France Agent at the airport". Well, you know me, I get stressed about such things... so I grumbled and sighed, and kind of said, "oh well".
The morning of our departure, I zipped around, mailed some postcards (that's another blog post altogether!) and was ready to leave at 09h30. The van didn't show up, it was a small car again :-( apparently the other driver's brother. Sigh.
Our taxi made a quick stop at the security gate at Alstom Villeurbanne, so my colleague Sam could get the power adapter plug that she'd left at the office the night before, and away we went to Lyon-Saint Exupéry Airport (LYS). We had made sure that our taxi would take a credit card, because our cash was running low.
At the airport, we did the usual "American fool in Europe" credit card dance. Wave the corporate American Express card, nope they don't take that. Give them a personal Visa card. Didn't work. Try a different personal Visa card. Oh, wait a second, he's putting the card end into the machine - and US credit cards have no chip! Ugh. I tried to tell him in my broken French that there was no chip, he'd have to swipe (we've had that happen before) but soon it became obvious that this credit card machine didn't have a swipe slot - it was chip or nothing. What a time to leave my Canadian credit cards at home! I'll take them next time.
The driver's brother showed up - the one from the night before. He couldn't help. (his machine had a swipe slot, but maybe there's something that prevents them from cross charging?)
So we start scrounging the money. 57€, I had 40€ in notes and Sam had a 5€ and a ton of change. She started counting the change. When we got to 50€, the driver said, "Enough, that's OK!" but we kept counting. [At that point, he unlocked the doors - I had not even realized they were locked!] We got to 55€ and then it was just small coins. He was happy to see us go, I think :-)
At the airport, the agent was polite, seemed to struggle a bit with my check-in, but gave me my boarding pass for all three flights - Lyon to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Minneapolis, Minneapolis to Phoenix. I checked my one bag and saw it go down the belt. It wasn't until the middle of the first flight, that I realized that the agent had not given me my bag tag. Curses, sure hope it shows up, because now I don't have a claim check :-(
We had a tight connection in Amsterdam, although you wouldn't know it from the schedule - we had to walk for miles, pass through (another) security check, even though we had not gone out of the security zone, up, down, across, ugh... and once we got to the gate, they were already calling zones!
There apparently is another level of security check before you can get on a trans-Atlantic flight.
First up, an agent takes you aside and asks about your checked luggage. She wanted to see my bag tag, and was aggravated when I said that I didn't have it. She insisted that I look in my pockets, on my passport, on my boarding pass... then went to speak to the supervisor... then came back and gave me the 3rd degree about, you know, "Did you pack your own luggage? Did anyone else give you anything to carry? Were they ever out of your possession or control at any time?" Then fine, continue on. Whew!
Not so fast.
There is a second waiting area for boarding. In order to get into that boarding area, they take your passport & boarding pass, then scan your boarding pass on some kind of a laser scanner (like a supermarket bar code reader). Everyone else's said "OK to Board", so then they went into that second waiting area. Mine said "Denied Boarding". For this station, there's only one line, so folks are backed up behind me.
They tried and tried, went over to the computer and typed and typed. Asked me my address, checked my birthdate, etc.
I stepped aside as best I could (with my UGH carry on with two laptops and various other junk in it! And of course the CPAP machine) and they continued. The supervisor came over and they tried and tried.
It took about 15 to 20 minutes to straighten things out. It seems as though, for the purpose of international immigration, the TN Visa is actually classified as a permanent residency permit. Ha ha, joke is on me.
Now you go through another security bag check and body scanner. At least now I'm in the real boarding area.
After a loooooooong flight across the Atlantic, we finally arrive in Minneapolis, where we have to go through US Customs & Immigration. There are two lines - one that clearly says "U.S. and Canadian Passport Holders" and one for everyone else. Where do you think I went? Cool machine, you put in your passport, it asks a bunch of questions and takes a photo of you from above, then prints out a slip that you take with you up to the booth.
The guy asks, "So you are going home to Canada today?"
Of course, I answer "No, home to Phoenix."
His eyes narrow, "Where do you live?"
I give my address in Phoenix.
"How do you do that, do you have a visa?"
"Yes, you just flipped past it, there it is."
"You have a TN Visa? You are supposed to be in that line over there."
I roll my eyes (oops). "Well it said U.S. & Canadian Passport Holders."
"Not if you are here on a TN Visa."
He gave me a bit more of the gears, then finally sighed and just let me through.
A few minutes later, miracle of miracles, there's my suitcase! As I strut toward the exit, another agent steps out from the side, and asks me to submit to secondary screening. Now, you don't say no to a customs & immigration agent, especially in this country. So, I said, "sure", with a smile.
That turned out to be a non-event. He asked a few questions, put my bags through yet another scanner - although thankfully I didn't have to take the laptops out this time, nor have to half undress or empty my pockets. Then I was off to drop my bag on the belt for the next flight.
Wait a second - I don't have a bag tag for it. I asked the attendant at the belt if they would re-tag my bag... or else I could photograph the tag and its bar code, I suppose... she reached down, pulled the tag off (it was still on the strip) and put it on my boarding pass! Yikes :-)
The rest was largely uneventful. We had to go through full security screening again (I moaned and was told it was because we had had access to our bags which might have items that are not allowed on the plane), then went to the gate, where I had a drink! Oh yes, and now that I'm back in the USA, my CDMA phone starts to work again - so I got a ton of E-mails and messages. Ah, the connected world we live in!
12 April 2015
05 April: Easter morning!
Last fall, I formally joined Mission Bell United Methodist Church at 44th Ave & Bell Road. It's a great place. The minister, Pastor Paul Self-Price, is a wonderful guy, preaches thought provoking sermons, and is familiar with the struggles of the 12 step program, which made it comfortable for me to talk to him.
Well anyway, last Easter, I attended my first "sunrise Easter service". This year, I attended my second. I was at the church from 6:30 AM til after noon, attending all 3 services (sunrise, contemporary, traditional). Ugh! Then had to go to work to prepare for this trip to Lyon that I'm currently on :-) In between services, thankfully, we had a bit of a breakfast thing, which was very nice.
The only pics I got of the morning were of the Easter egg hunt. So cute!!! The setup for the egg hunt was interesting too - the older kids were asked to spread the candy-filled plastic eggs in the designated area. The kids, especially the older boys, apparently have hearing difficulties, or can't follow directions, or don't care, or something like that - they put eggs all over the place outside the designated area - and got careless, tossing eggs several feet, not caring if they popped open and spilled their candy all over. Heh, heh, pandemonium both on distribution and on retrieval! Ah well, they are kids, and they all had a good time! Sugar rush for many little ones that morning, eek!
Well anyway, last Easter, I attended my first "sunrise Easter service". This year, I attended my second. I was at the church from 6:30 AM til after noon, attending all 3 services (sunrise, contemporary, traditional). Ugh! Then had to go to work to prepare for this trip to Lyon that I'm currently on :-) In between services, thankfully, we had a bit of a breakfast thing, which was very nice.
The only pics I got of the morning were of the Easter egg hunt. So cute!!! The setup for the egg hunt was interesting too - the older kids were asked to spread the candy-filled plastic eggs in the designated area. The kids, especially the older boys, apparently have hearing difficulties, or can't follow directions, or don't care, or something like that - they put eggs all over the place outside the designated area - and got careless, tossing eggs several feet, not caring if they popped open and spilled their candy all over. Heh, heh, pandemonium both on distribution and on retrieval! Ah well, they are kids, and they all had a good time! Sugar rush for many little ones that morning, eek!
02, 03 April: The Desert Blooms!
The summer heat is so stifling here, and the winter is so dry here. I bought a house with a lawn front & back - small lawns, but lawns nonetheless - but now I see the wisdom of having the front & back yards in a "natural" state. The sun is so hot, the air so dry (most of the time - but more about that another day), that you must dump copious amounts of water onto the lawn, just so it will survive.
The sun is so strong that it works as a bleaching agent - colours get washed out here, plants die unless watered - well, except of course for the weeds - weeds seem to flourish everywhere - and the cacti.
So, it's amazing and wonderful when, all of the sudden, the desert blooms. Here are a few pictures of the desert plants in bloom. The first couple are in my yard.
The sun is so strong that it works as a bleaching agent - colours get washed out here, plants die unless watered - well, except of course for the weeds - weeds seem to flourish everywhere - and the cacti.
So, it's amazing and wonderful when, all of the sudden, the desert blooms. Here are a few pictures of the desert plants in bloom. The first couple are in my yard.
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| In my backyard. I just missed catching a hummingbird that was sipping at some of the nice flowers in the creeping vines... |
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| In my front yard. Since this picture, the whole tree has opened up in huge blossoms of red! |
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| Landscaped area around water treatment plant along my cycling route to work. Look at those gorgeous red flowers! |
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| More along my cycling route. Different colours for each type of cactus? |
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| Catching other cacti along my cycling route. |
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| Zoomed back shot along my cycling route. |
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| More cactus along my cycling route. |
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| In a front yard along my cycling route. Look carefully at the top of the cacti. I saw birds sitting on top as I rode up! |
11 April 2015
07 April: Be Afraid... Very Afraid! Sleep apnea is a scary thing...
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| My scary CPAP machine! |
Upon arrival in Lyon, after some 17 hours of flights & layovers, neither my colleague Sam nor I had any cash. I had been advised to just withdraw some at the airport, from my account back in the USA. Sam spotted a cash machine and I wandered over and pulled 200 Euros out.
Sam, however, had brought US dollars. Nope, they won't do anything here. So we set out to find a place to exchange some US dollars for Euros. She went over and asked at information, and we were told that there were cash exchanges on up on level 2, terminal 2. So, we wandered off that way.
It turned out to be a loooooong walk... again. At least a kilometre. About halfway there, I looked back and realized that I had my suitcase, and my briefcase, but not my CPAP machine case. EEK!
I ran back toward the main floor, where we had been. There was an escalator up, but I had to take the stairs down, with suitcase and (ugh) heavy briefcase. I got to the bottom, and there in the middle of the floor, was my CPAP machine case, yay!
As I approached it, three security guards who were standing there, waved me away.
"Monsieur, ne passez ici!"
"No, no, it's mine!"
"Eet eez yours?"
"Yes, it's my CPAP machine!"
Man, did they look relieved. They were suddenly on their radios, apparently cancelling the police/bomb squad, who were already on their way!
They gave me a stern warning. I opened the bag and checked that all the contents were undisturbed (if you know me, then you know that I would stress about such things). I apologized profusely, and left, thankful that they hadn't blown up my CPAP machine, heh heh.
I recall now that I had the CPAP bag hanging off the back of my suitcase, but it destabilized the suitcase, so I took it off and set it beside the suitcase, as I waited. Curses, forgot to check that I had picked it up again! Wow, I'll be more careful next time.
Oh, and yes, the machine is working fine. Whew! How would I sleep, otherwise?
My, but it has been a long time!
Yes, it's hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last posted to my blog. So much has happened since then!
I'm not sure why I took a long blog holiday. I kind of lost my way, my will, my voice. Part of my ongoing mid-life crisis, no doubt. Yes, big changes in the past 5 years - hard to believe it all. I would not have believed it, had I been told 10 years ago, what would happen (OK OK what I would do) and how it would all end up!
Do I lament the changes? Certainly I have melancholy times... often... but less often than a couple of years ago.
Was it all necessary? Regretfully, yes.
I am slowly coming to terms with who I have been, who I am, and who I'm supposed to be. Let me explain a bit.
I was always very insistent on being correct, being right all the time. Ever since I can remember. I'm not entirely sure why, but I was. Dave pointed this out to me, in not so subtle terms, when we were in university. I acknowledged it, grappled with it, but really didn't address it. At times, I wasn't a very nice person to be around.
While Eric was growing up, when Dayna and I were married, I struggled with this attitude. Amazingly, she put up with it, and loved me anyway. I mellowed in some ways, but under the surface, this need to be right, always was there. Fighting to be correct, never losing to technology, never losing to technical problems, never losing an argument... yikes.
Then came the big shakeup. I made big changes. Sandy loved me, and I was on top of the world. I mellowed and cooled. It was all going to be OK.
But then I had to face the changes I had made. The mess that I had made. It rocked me to the core of my being. I wanted to be with Sandy so much, but I had hurt Dayna and Eric so badly... how could I? I struggled, and tried to work things out... but the decision was kind of made for me. I would be alone.
Not entirely made for me, mind you. There were key points where I could have changed the story. But for whatever reason, at the time, I decided not to. Goof ball... oh well, that's where I was at.
Then came the cold, hard winter of 2012/2013. Unemployed & homeless for the first time in my adult life, and relationship-less for the first time in over 25 years, I had to face my situation and the core of my own soul. I tried and tried to work things out, but every attempt failed.
I was, of course, not out on the street - I lived with my mother for a few months (thank you, mom!). I took money out of my RRSP and got a nice apartment downtown (thanks for Wayne Doherty's brother Jeff). Then pursued employment. Eventually I was able to get a term position with ERLPhase (thank you, Krish!). In that position, I was able to travel to India and make some wonderful new friends. Then, just as the term was set to expire and be renewed, Jim Blake of Alstom Grid DIT in Phoenix Arizona, offered me a job there, with relocation. A chance to get away! I took it, zoom, zoom! And warm winters, to boot, ah yes (warm summers too, but more about that another time).
I've had a few short relationships in the time that I've been in Phoenix. But somehow I haven't been satisfied, haven't been motivated, haven't been enthused. That's all on me. So I needed time to think. That's what I've always needed. And now, that's what I've got.
I've connected with a church in Phoenix, Mission Bell United Methodist church, over in north Glendale. I joined as a member last fall. It's very nice. Not without its challenges (a church isn't a church without challenges, it seems), but great people and a very comforting atmosphere.
I've stuck with my 12 step program, Emotions Anonymous. I have not been all that good at progressing in the steps, but I am working on them. It's not the destination, but the journey, that defines us, after all.
And now I am finally coming to grips with my attitude towards success, and having to be perfect, be right all the time. Accepting the grace of God that the church reminds me of. Accepting where I am, the situation that I'm in.
It's a journey, all right. And it's not over. I have much more to learn. More mellowing to do. More about myself to understand. But I'm making progress.
So, what do I regret? Only the pain that my challenges, my journey, my troubles have inflicted on others. Interestingly enough, the amends that I have to do as part of the 12 step program, are intended to assist in finding release from this. Perhaps soon...
I will start up entries into this blog again. In fact, right now I'm in Lyon, France, on a business trip... wow what a place. Never heard so much French spoken in one day (ha ha, I'm in France :-) ). Much to write about, just about this trip. Oh yes, and the bomb squad being called to deal with my CPAP machine that I accidentally left lying around at the airport, yikes!! And about the desert in bloom. And so much more. Watch this space.
I'm not sure why I took a long blog holiday. I kind of lost my way, my will, my voice. Part of my ongoing mid-life crisis, no doubt. Yes, big changes in the past 5 years - hard to believe it all. I would not have believed it, had I been told 10 years ago, what would happen (OK OK what I would do) and how it would all end up!
Do I lament the changes? Certainly I have melancholy times... often... but less often than a couple of years ago.
Was it all necessary? Regretfully, yes.
I am slowly coming to terms with who I have been, who I am, and who I'm supposed to be. Let me explain a bit.
I was always very insistent on being correct, being right all the time. Ever since I can remember. I'm not entirely sure why, but I was. Dave pointed this out to me, in not so subtle terms, when we were in university. I acknowledged it, grappled with it, but really didn't address it. At times, I wasn't a very nice person to be around.
While Eric was growing up, when Dayna and I were married, I struggled with this attitude. Amazingly, she put up with it, and loved me anyway. I mellowed in some ways, but under the surface, this need to be right, always was there. Fighting to be correct, never losing to technology, never losing to technical problems, never losing an argument... yikes.
Then came the big shakeup. I made big changes. Sandy loved me, and I was on top of the world. I mellowed and cooled. It was all going to be OK.
But then I had to face the changes I had made. The mess that I had made. It rocked me to the core of my being. I wanted to be with Sandy so much, but I had hurt Dayna and Eric so badly... how could I? I struggled, and tried to work things out... but the decision was kind of made for me. I would be alone.
Not entirely made for me, mind you. There were key points where I could have changed the story. But for whatever reason, at the time, I decided not to. Goof ball... oh well, that's where I was at.
Then came the cold, hard winter of 2012/2013. Unemployed & homeless for the first time in my adult life, and relationship-less for the first time in over 25 years, I had to face my situation and the core of my own soul. I tried and tried to work things out, but every attempt failed.
I was, of course, not out on the street - I lived with my mother for a few months (thank you, mom!). I took money out of my RRSP and got a nice apartment downtown (thanks for Wayne Doherty's brother Jeff). Then pursued employment. Eventually I was able to get a term position with ERLPhase (thank you, Krish!). In that position, I was able to travel to India and make some wonderful new friends. Then, just as the term was set to expire and be renewed, Jim Blake of Alstom Grid DIT in Phoenix Arizona, offered me a job there, with relocation. A chance to get away! I took it, zoom, zoom! And warm winters, to boot, ah yes (warm summers too, but more about that another time).
I've had a few short relationships in the time that I've been in Phoenix. But somehow I haven't been satisfied, haven't been motivated, haven't been enthused. That's all on me. So I needed time to think. That's what I've always needed. And now, that's what I've got.
I've connected with a church in Phoenix, Mission Bell United Methodist church, over in north Glendale. I joined as a member last fall. It's very nice. Not without its challenges (a church isn't a church without challenges, it seems), but great people and a very comforting atmosphere.
I've stuck with my 12 step program, Emotions Anonymous. I have not been all that good at progressing in the steps, but I am working on them. It's not the destination, but the journey, that defines us, after all.
And now I am finally coming to grips with my attitude towards success, and having to be perfect, be right all the time. Accepting the grace of God that the church reminds me of. Accepting where I am, the situation that I'm in.
It's a journey, all right. And it's not over. I have much more to learn. More mellowing to do. More about myself to understand. But I'm making progress.
So, what do I regret? Only the pain that my challenges, my journey, my troubles have inflicted on others. Interestingly enough, the amends that I have to do as part of the 12 step program, are intended to assist in finding release from this. Perhaps soon...
I will start up entries into this blog again. In fact, right now I'm in Lyon, France, on a business trip... wow what a place. Never heard so much French spoken in one day (ha ha, I'm in France :-) ). Much to write about, just about this trip. Oh yes, and the bomb squad being called to deal with my CPAP machine that I accidentally left lying around at the airport, yikes!! And about the desert in bloom. And so much more. Watch this space.
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